When someone you care about starts to deconstruct his or her Christian beliefs, it can be a painful process for both of you. Deconstruction means walking away from a way of life that a person thought was true and good. Watching a friend or loved one deconstruct is no less difficult because it can feel like you have no ability to stop the loss of that close relationship.

Most painful of all is when a child deconstructs and then breaks contact with his or her parents with accusations of the harm done by their attempts to help their child have faith in Jesus (a story that is surprisingly common).

Can we stop people close to us from deconstructing once they start the journey toward unbelief? The plain fact is that no surefire method exists for halting or reversing anyone’s desire to stop believing in Christian truths. Still, there are some ways of approaching the situation that are more helpful than others.

**Our churches must be places where people can expect to find good answers to tough questions.**

Responding to Deconstruction

As we discussed in the first part of this series, people walking through deconstruction may use intellectual arguments to defend their decision to disbelieve. But the intellectual arguments are not usually the reason they disbelieve.

We should answer the intellectual challenges to a point, but we really want to hear a person’s story. It can be far more helpful to ask the simple question, “How did you get here?” with the hope that you will find out the catalytic event that started their deconstruction journey.

Here are two important things to keep in mind as you engage with people who are deconstructing or have deconstructed:

1. It is not your job to “save” anyone.

God saves people through the gospel. You are responsible to be a faithful witness to Christ and to the truth of the gospel, but nothing you can do will ever save anyone. While we may desperately desire to see your loved ones return to the faith, we cannot fixate on trying to find just the right thing to say that will overcome all of their doubts and cause them to return.

2. Your example may be more impactful than your words.

Christians should model a lifestyle of faith that is open to questions but is not skeptical as a result of those questions. Many people do not know you can have that posture!

Our churches must be places where people can expect to find good answers to tough questions and where they can expect to find curious Christians who desire to engage those tough questions. If Christianity is true, it can withstand any challenge thrown at it.

Preventing Deconstruction

The best way to head off deconstruction in your ministry area is to provide robust discipleship that includes apologetics. Different textbooks will define “apologetics” in different ways; I simply mean “defending the truth, reasonableness, and goodness of Christian claims.” We are not trying to give a seminary education on Sunday mornings, but apologetics has always been and always will be the act of responding to the primary cultural challenges of the day.

You should be aware of and conversant with the pressing issues of the moment. Right now, these include the origins and trustworthiness of the Bible, the relationship between Christians and the LGBTQ+ community, and the general idea that Christianity does not produce goodness in the world.

Each of these issues has been taken up by popular voices in the deconstruction movement, and we need to be able to respond to church members who wonder about them.

Our job is to give people in our ministries a framework in which to hear, critique, and respond to cultural accusations in a healthy way that builds their faith rather than tearing it down.

Take Comfort

As a final word of comfort, recognize that the deconstruction movement as we know it today is a trend that will go the way of all trends. There will always be people in our churches questioning their faith, just as there always have been (even if you didn’t realize it).

The popularity that the deconstruction movement has right now will pass away together with all its blogs, books, and YouTube channels.

Until it does, we are trying to help those people who are caught up in its flow. Tomorrow, we will engage the next trend—whatever it is—because it will be nothing new.