Someone comes into your office or meets you at your desk with a juicy bit of news, and you are instantly drawn in. Your friend whispers that so-and-so is causing conflict in your church or that what's-her-face has been laid off, and you share it. That’s gossip!
You keep butting heads with a certain leader or that guy who runs the department down the hall. And you tell stories about it over and over to your friends or your spouse. You’re complaining!
I get sucked into the drama, the complaint, and the daily ups and downs. Do you?
How can we know when what we say is out of line?
It comes back to whether or not we are giving God praise.
Watch Your Mouth
Recently the Spirit brought this verse to mind: “No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).
Coarse joking or crude talk were the ways that I always grew up hearing this passage, but recently, the phrase “only what is good for building up” really stuck out to me.
“Gospel truths give many reasons to live with an attitude of praise toward Jesus.”
How do you feel when the only thing coming out of your friend’s mouth is a waterfall of negativity? Or sarcasm?
Complaining is directly spoken against in scripture in Philippians 2:14, as is arguing. And another verse, Proverbs 29:11, says that fools vent their anger fully. We all need a place and time to vent frustration, but we also need to know when to abstain from it.
In those cases, what should you do?
Stick your foot in your mouth. That’s the idiom for when we say something we shouldn’t have, isn’t it? Or when we step out of line with a boss, spouse, parent, or friend?
Retraining the Tongue
How can we know when what we say is out of line? It comes back to whether or not we are giving God praise.
We have a Savior who loved us and died to prove it. He holds all things in his hands. In his providence, he has ordered all things according to his grand purposes and ordained good things for us to walk into as well as trying seasons to test our souls. These truths are a reason to live with an attitude of praise toward Jesus.
And positive speech is a way to show our commitment to these truths. I’m not saying that everyone’s circumstances are positive or that we should sugar-coat difficulties, or that we should all bury our feelings. I’m saying that, in the face of a hard day, an irritating person, or bad traffic, you can learn to guard what you say and only speak words that “build others up.”
Who would you rather be?
Tell me you haven’t been around someone who made you feel drained of all your energy all the time just because she wouldn’t stop complaining. And everyone knows that one guy who won’t stop talking about how hard he’s had it all his life.
“Look for reasons to thank God for during your stressful day or that grueling meeting you would have groaned about in the past. ”
But what about that man at work in your IT department who just seems joyful — always with a kind word or a gentle smile? What about the lady at the grocery store who says “Good morning” in that sing-song way? Do you think their lives are easy? Maybe you should ask them sometime.
My guess is that those very same people have hard circumstances just like the rest of us, but, like the rudder steers the ship, they’ve allowed their tongues to steer their attitudes and behavior towards more peaceful waters (See James 3).
Speech that’s salt and light
Try it for just one day. Try looking for the good things happening around you, and telling someone about them. Try looking for things to thank God for during your stressful day or that grueling meeting you would have groaned about in the past. Try encouraging someone that they’re doing a great job, or by saying something like, “Hey man, that’s a great sweater!” Better still, try telling the people you meet about the great hope you have in Christ.
When we really think about it, the Lord has bought us an existence that is above the daily “goings-on” of Earth. We have a Savior who purchased us with his blood, saved us from sin and death, and will one day return to make all things new. God has given us work to do, a million things to be grateful for, and eternal fellowship with himself and all the redeemed.
With that in mind, how could we ever grumble?
May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable to you,
Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.
— Psalm 19:4
Trenton Anthony has a Master's in Ethics from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. In his spare time, Trenton writes, makes art, and sings in his church's band. His Christian fantasy trilogy is called The Speaker Trilogy. Besides Jesus, Trenton's greatest loves in life are family, Italian food, and friendship — in no particular order.
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