8 Questions to Build Real Relationships with Other Pastors
In a hustle town like Houston, it’s easy for ministry leaders to fall into the trap of comparison based on attendance, budget, building size, or other external factors of ministry.
But when we start fellowship conversations focused on competing with one another, we can actually hinder the genuine relationships we need most to thrive in ministry.
So how do we move past comparison at networking or fellowship events? Sometimes, it’s as simple as asking the right questions.
Here are 8 questions to bypass the typical “church numbers" conversation and connect with other leaders on a deeper level.
1. What do you love about your part of town?
This question starts with two key points of interest and connection: what we love and our shared ministry to a wildly diverse city. It allows you to share what’s unique in different parts of Houston and gives local insight on culture, challenges, and opportunities in your part of the city.
2. What non-ministry hobby helps you decompress?
Asking about hobbies moves the conversation from all-consuming ministry tasks to personal rhythms, which are vital for ministry longevity. It acknowledges that we all need healthy ways to decompress and opens the door to learn about their niche interests.
3. What’s the funniest thing that’s happened to you lately?
Laughter is an instant icebreaker. Asking about a funny story breaks down professional walls, encourages vulnerability, and reminds us that ministry is full of awkward, messy, and humorous moments. Just keep it respectful and/or anonymous if you’re sharing a story about others.
4. What has been hard about the last year?
Asking about what’s difficult provides a safe, simple invitation for vulnerability and normalizes the fact that ministry is challenging. Acknowledging a personal or professional difficulty is the fastest way to dive deeper with others.
Be willing to share first if they’re not interested in opening up just yet.
5. What resources have been most helpful for you?
Asking about resources acknowledges that we have a lot to learn from one another. It’s a low-pressure way to learn new tools and what’s working well without feeling the need to compare.
6. How do you find spiritual refreshment outside of ministry prep?
Ministry leaders are constantly pouring out, and this question emphasizes the need for each of us to have a healthy spiritual life.
It affirms that our personal spiritual walk with God is not the same as our professional duties and encourages honesty about spiritual practices, rhythms, and disciplines.
7. What non-staff person do you call when you’re facing a tough week?
This question is a gentle accountability question. It immediately affirms the need for ministry friends outside of the day-to-day staff dynamic.
If either of you has a hard time answering this question, you can ask if they’d be willing to be a friend in the trenches with you.
8. Want to get coffee, tea, or lunch sometime?
Making ministry friends can feel difficult because everyone is busy in their own community. But accountability and friendship have to start somewhere.
Make the ask to shift the focus from a one-time meeting to a sustained peer relationship.
Ready to put these questions into practice?
Join us for the Annual Celebration on Sunday, Nov 9th. We’ll provide food, fellowship, and time to be refueled alongside other leaders in the city.
Register now so we can prepare enough food! ubahouston.org/annual
Ask these questions to move past ministry competition and toward real relationships with other pastors and ministry leaders.