Supercommunicators
“This book was born, in part, for my own failures at communicating.” (Supercommunicators Prologue, xvi)
When Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit and Smarter Faster Better, faced several communication failures at work and home, he approached it the only way he knew how—by researching what makes communication great and how it goes wrong. His book Supercommunicators is a product of this hard work.
Duhigg digs into neuroscience, psychology, and interviews with “supercommunicators” (people effective at communicating in diverse settings), and distills what he learns for us.
In short, he says that anyone can become a supercommunicator by recognizing what kind of conversation you're in and adapting accordingly.
As people whose lives have been changed by God’s Word and the testimony of others, we can all appreciate the power of the truth clearly communicated.
As people commissioned to communicate the gospel and minister to people, this is excellent news! No matter how natural (or unnatural) conversation feels for you, you can learn the skills to communicate well and prevent poor communication from hurting your gospel witness.
Supercommunicators Read the Room
“The right conversation at the right moment can change everything.”
In his research, Duhigg defines three main types of conversations by the heart of the questions they pose.
While most conversations will blend in and out of any of these three categories, understanding the difference will help us hear one another better and respond with godly wisdom.
1. “What’s This Really About?”
“What’s this really about” conversations are practical and focus on information exchange, decision-making, and solutions. They’re straightforward, business-type conversations we all hope to have in our staff meetings.
If the person you’re talking to wants to be helped or wants solutions, you’re in a “What’s This Really About” conversation. Here, people expect to walk away with a real action plan—plain and simple.
This conversation type is where most conversations start—and also where most conflicts happen if speakers are misaligned. So it’s important to listen for signs of conversation shift.
2. “How Do We Feel?”
“How do we feel” conversations are emotional and focus on expressing feelings and seeking validation. They call for speakers to listen well, match one another’s mood and energy levels, and show their own vulnerability in appropriate ways.
By listening to the heart of what’s being said—even when it’s not well-articulated, we can give the gift of deep listening that people rarely experience.
In Duhigg’s terms, if the person you’re talking to wants to be hugged (literally or metaphorically), you’re likely in a How Do We Feel? Conversation.
3. “Who Are We?”
“Who are we” conversations are social and focus on our identity and role within a larger social group. In this kind of conversation, it’s helpful to make connections with one another, build bridges across our many roles and identities, and ask clarifying questions to avoid misunderstanding one another.
If the person you’re talking to wants to be heard, you’re likely in a “Who Are We” conversation. They want to know what you mean to one another and where they belong in the larger group.
Duhigg discovered that supercommunicators didn’t just understand different kinds of conversation, they quietly led by bringing groups into alignment—even on a neurological level!
Supercommunicators Responding Accordingly
Duhigg calls this power of alignment the “matching principle,” and states that most conversations are less about what you actually say and more about how you make other people feel.
As Christians, we know that feelings don’t determine truth, but listening and matching other people well builds trust and helps us better articulate the gospel (and ourselves) without barriers. From here, we can have a better path forward to minister well.
Supercommunicators master these skills to help them align with others:
Asking deep, open-ended questions
Practicing active listening that reflects back what you’re hearing an invites clarification
Creating psychological safety so people feel free to say what they really mean
Being curious rather than making assumptions or quick judgments
Final Thoughts:
As people whose lives have been changed by God’s Word and the testimony of others, we all appreciate the power of the truth clearly communicated. It changes lives.
We don’t need to agree with others completely, but by taking a moment to understand where others are coming from and connect to our own experience, we can build a strong bridge of trust and help them begin to think differently about God and the world around them.
If you want to read this book for yourself, you find the PDF here or come by the UBA office to borrow the hardcopy version for yourself!
As your resident communications specialist (and supernerd), I’d love to discuss communication and gospel ministry! Email me or stop by my office to talk when you pick up the book.
Marie Burrus is a UBA Church Consultant and Communications Specialist. Her primary responsibilities are consulting on mission engagement and church communications. She also manages, edits, and contributes content for UBA's blog, website, and social media outlets.
“The right conversation at the right moment can change everything.”
Marie Burrus reviews Charles Duhigg’s Supercommunicators.